The Ten Most Disappointing Things About Pan de Peace

BREADS
As the Spring 2016 anime season comes to a close, we’re left with little more than a gnawing sense of regret that we spent too much time watching anime when we could have been playing videogames instead. Out of all the shows I wasted time with when I should have been consuming Odin Sphere Leifthrasir in bed, Pan de Peace was the most disappointing. Here are just a few of the reasons why….

1. It Wasn’t Polar Bear Cafe

To be fair, this is the most disappointing thing about 99.9999% of all anime. Even Space Patrol Luluco suffered the fatal flaw of not being Polar Bear Cafe.

2. There Were Only 10 Breads

I went back and counted, and there were only 10 different breads featured in the show– and the only reason why the final tally is that high is because I counted “Melon Bread” and “Crispy Fluffy Melon Bread” as two distinct breads, which I was under no obligation to do. Now, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think a 13-episode bread anime should feature at least 13 different breads.

3. No Bakery Wars

The show introduced warring bakeries Fuwa Fuyu and Guillame, yet at no point do the two engage in any kind of bread-based competition. As Anton Checkhov famously said “If you introduce two competing bakeries in the first act, there damned well better be a sourdough bake-off before the end of the cour.”

I mean, I wasn’t expecting full-on Yakitate!! Japan antics here (well okay maybe I was, but that’s because I’m a glass-half-full kind of person), but I don’t think a three-minute baking competition somewhere over the course of the show was really too much to ask for.

4. No Bread=Boob Comparison

For a bread show with overt lesbian overtones that featured not one, but several bath/swimsuit scenes, the fact that they never did the inevitable joke where they compare everyone’s breasts to different types of bread represents nothing less than a complete ethical breach of contract with the audience. I can’t believe I sat through the whole show and I never got to hear anyone say that Fuyumi’s breasts were like luscious cinnamon buns and Noa’s were like cute little garlic knots.

…and no, that time when Minami hugged Fuyumi and said that her body was soft “like bread dough,” does not count; that is an entirely different joke, and if you watched as much bread anime as I have, you would know that.

5. No Bread Lightsaber Battles

Speaking of things that never happened, the show introduces the concept of French Bread being used as a weapon, and then does nothing with it. I think they mention it maybe once after Noa’s introduction, but they never have an actual battle with baguettes being used as lightsabers. Like…how do you do that? How do you, in good conscience, make an anime about bread that introduces bread lightsabers in episode 2, yet never does a bread lightsaber battle? Whatever made them think it was okay to dangle that in front of the audience and then take it away? What did we ever do to them?

6. They Never Told Us What It Means To Be a Bread Buddy

Sure, you could be forgiving and assume that ‘bread buddy’ just means “a chick I eat bread with.” However, I would have preferred a Death Note-style outline of the rules, so we could learn exactly what being a bread buddy entails. Like:

RULES FOR BREAD BUDDY

1. Eat bread together
2. Don’t talk about Bread Buddies (unless your mouth is full of bread).
3. If you see someone eating rice, rip it out of their mouth and replace it with French Bread.
4. If they persist in eating rice, impale them with your French Bread Lightsaber.
5. Be sure to say “I can’t even BREAD!” at least once a day.
6. Kiss a girl and like it.

See, I could ask you to be my Bread Buddy. But thanks to Pan de Peace‘s shoddy world-building efforts, I wouldn’t even know what I was asking for. I could end up in Fluffy Melon Bread heaven, or hanging upside down with a limited edition ciabatta sandwich stuck up my ass. That sounds dangerous.

7. No Lesbian Orgy During the Sleepover

Honestly I didn’t have a problem with this, but my husband insisted that if I was writing a list about the most disappointing aspects of Pan de Peace, this needed to be on it.

8. We Never Get To See Yuu’s Manga

It’s bad enough that, by law, each and every anime must have at least one manga artist among its cast. However, if you’re going to make someone a mangaka, let us see the goddamned manga. They do a whole episode ostensibly about Yuu and her manga, but we only get to see one shitty demon bear drawing(?) and never the actual manga. I’d like to think that Yuu’s manga is some kind of bread/magical girl hybrid, featuring a Noa-chan doppleganger who uses crumbs like magical fairy dust, but now I’ll never know.

9. The Last Episode Had A Recap Segment

They thought that they needed a recap in Episode 13, because we might not remember all the different breads they ate over the course of the show (which wasn’t that many, SEE ABOVE).

Think about it: Someone involved in the production of a 3-minute anime, including the opening, said “You know what we could use right now? A recap episode.”

10. Some Episodes Didn’t Even Have Bread In Them

Seriously what the fuck

Otakusphere Weekly #11: James Bond is a Stupid War-College Graduate

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In this episode we commiserate that Joker Game has completely ruined James Bond for us, to the extent that we ever liked James Bond in the first place (we didn’t.) Meanwhile, Kiznaiver is busy climaxing all over the place, Super Lovers gets downright scandalous (or so the internet says), Saraato might be made from Dagan Zot’s evil gallbladder, and we come this close to having another Melon Bread Incident. Fortunately, Cod Roe Bread is an honestly-named bread, therefore Sal avoided the catastrophic meltdown that could have destroyed us all.

00:00:29 General Otaku Chat: The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel, Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus, Fate//Extra, Odin Sphere Lefthrasir, Rainy Cocoa
SENPAI LEAGUE
00:20:54 Big Order 8
00:25:29 Kiznaiver 9
00:31:26 The Lost Village 10
00:41:46 Re:Zero 10
00:45:30 Flying Witch 9
00:47:57 Joker Game 10
00:50:44 Twin Star Exorcists 9
00:58:20 Macross Delta 10
01:00:34 Kuma Miko 10
01:03:58 Bakuon!! 10
01:05:25 And You Thought There Was Never A Girl Online 9
KOHAI LEAGUE
01:10:14 Shonen Maid 8
01:12:12 High School Fleet 9
01:16:35 Anne Happy 9
01:18:25 Tanaka-kun is Always Listless 9 (also we hate McDonalds)
01:22:06 Super Lovers 9
01:26:38 Cerberus 10
chibi league
01:30:45 Tonkatsu DJ Agetarou 9
01:32:43 Space Patrol Luluco 10
01:38:45 Pan de Peace 10

Show Notes:

  1. We speculated during our gaming chat that you needed to beat the game in Heroic mode in order to get the platinum trophy for Odin Sphere Leifthrasir; strangely, this is not true.
  2. The Re:Zero novels are not available in English as of this writing, but the first volume is being published by Yen Press in July.
  3. Softenni has been licensed by Sentai Filmworks. Alas, there is no OVA episode:(
  4. Despite appearances, we have not all dropped Sakamoto; since LB was absent this week and Lifesong has dropped it for the time being, we just skipped it this episode. Stay tuned next episode for the Sakamoto date to end Sakamoto dates.

Otakusphere Weekly #10: Cat Catapults and Ladybug Money

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In this episode, we are joined by Neontaster, the guy who is responsible for maybe 50% of the content of what is known in the wider world as “Anitwitter.” Actually, it isn’t known to the wider world since the only people who even know what Anitwitter is are already a part of it, but perhaps it should be? Just like we here at Otakusphere Weekly are ambassadors for Shonen Maid, the underrated show of the season, perhaps YOU should become an ambassador for Anitwitter?

Anyway, Neontaster reminds me yet again that Kabaneri is a great show and I was dumb for not picking it up, Lifesong and I are confounded about the fact that we still enjoy Super Lovers despite the show’s best efforts to make us throw up our hands and walk away, LB has a date with Sakamoto that puts me to shame (and that will be avenged, make no mistake), and Sal is apparently some kind of Trigger historian who must secretly be involved in the production of Space Patrol Luluco, and probably Kiznaiver too while we’re at it.

00:00:00 Introductions
00:00:28 General Otaku Chat: Funimation Broadcast Dubs, Neon gets his first dolly, MegaCon 2016, Sailor Moon Drops
SENPAI LEAGUE
00:26:33 Big Order 7
00:34:23 Kiznaiver 8
00:47:56 The Lost Village 9
00:53:25 ReZero 9
01:01:20 Flying Witch 8
01:04:05 Joker Game 9
01:08:35 Twin Star Exorcists 8
01:13:23 Macross Delta…something?
01:17:16 Kuma Miko 9
01:19:05 Bakuon!! 9
01:23:47 And You Thought There Was Never A Girl Online 8
01:27:47 Special Neontaster bonus segment!

KOHAI LEAGUE
01:35:02 Shonen Maid 7
01:38:32 High School Fleet 8
01:42:46 Anne Happy 8
01:46:23 Tanaka-kun is Always Listless 7 & 8
01:49:12 Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto 7
01:54:40 Super Lovers 8 & 9
02:00:33 Cerberus 8
chibi league
02:04:10 Tonkatsu DJ Agetarou 8
02:06:25 Space Patrol Luluco 9
02:11:13 Pan de Peace 9

Otakusphere Weekly #9: The War On Semicolons

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This was an atypical show here at Otakusphere Weekly; in addition to welcoming Zeke Freek from the Baka Gaijin podcast, we changed up the order a bunch. Since our whole Sempai/Kohai system wouldn’t really match what Zeke is watching this season, we spent more time on our general otaku rambling (in which we investigate the offerings coming up next season), and talked about some shows we don’t normally talk about. Conversely, since this was a punishing week for both LB and Lifesong in particular, we also skipped a few shows that we normally cover– expect us to double-up on those next time.

In other news, LB informs me of the existence of Sailor Moon Drops, an SM-themed Match-3 game; this was likely a mistake on his part.

00:00:00 General Otaku Chat (plus upcoming Summer Anime Season speculation): ReWrite, Big Order (the manga– you know, the good version), Mazinger Edition Z: The Impact!Final Fantasy XV, Odin Sphere Leifthrasir

00:58:22 COMMERCIAL BREAK

00:58:49 Kiznaiver 7
01:08:15 Twin Star Exorcists 7
01:11:51 Kabaneri of The Iron Fortress 7
01:19:16 My Hero Academia 8
01:21:35 And You Thought There Was Never A Girl Online 7
01:28:32 Big Order 6
01:33:59 The Lost Village 8
01:41:25 Re:Zero 8
01:48:13 Flying Witch 7
01:50:20 Joker Game 8
01:53:38 Kuma Miko 8
01:57:24 Bakuon!! 8
02:02:36 Shonen Maid 6
02:05:14 High School Fleet 7
02:10:59 Anne Happy 7
02:12:45 Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto 6
02:14:40 Cerberus 8
02:19:03 Tonkatsu DJ Agetarou 7
02:20:19 Space Patrol Luluco 8
02:23:04 Pan de Peace 8